Friday, September 12, 2014

Mommy Feels Bad

I've been trying to figure out how to go about this blog post and it has been a bit difficult. The fun activity that I planned for today was for my five-year-old daughter to have free rain of my makeup and to have fun with it. When I told her, her eyes lit up! She could not wait!

We waited till Grey's nap time to get started. My first mistake was not changing her out of her new school outfit from earlier today. Instead, I gave her a hefty warning to be careful. My subconscious thought, "She does a good job listening to me, it will be fine!" My subconscious can sometimes be a moron. It didn't account for accidents that happen and the way my daughter throws her whole self into her creativity.

She found a blush that I have that is in cream form and started rubbing her entire palm into it to apply it alllllll over her entire face, turning herself into Pinkalicious. (If you have never read that book, it's about a little girl who LOVES everything pink, eats too many pink cupcakes, and turns her whole self pink from it. It's one of our favorites :)) She was having fun :)

I was trying to keep my composure and allow her to enjoy this.

Then it happened..

I started to notice the blush cream getting on the hem of her sleeve and soon it seemed to be appearing a little bit here and there and over there and how did it get back there? Is that mascara? When did she use that? Did she drop it on her shirt? It was terrible (not really, just felt like it at the time). I got mad. And so disappointed. And shamefully, I let her know it. She felt bad, I could tell. She didn't mean to. But I was so frustrated and couldn't get over that emotion. We both sat in silence for a minute while I tried to figure out how to handle myself and the situation. During this time, she had an itch on her face and itched it with the sleeve of her shirt, smearing more of the makeup on her cute, new top. I bet my eyes were popping out of my head as I frantically said, "What are you doing?!" She felt bad again. And sad. 

We went up to her room to change her shirt. You may be wondering what took me so long to do this? (At least I'm wondering that as I write) I think I was trying to figure out my emotions (grasp that this really isn't her fault) and overcome them. I was also trying to figure out logistics of changing her without getting more on her clothes. We got some more on her clothes as we changed her anyways lol. I drenched her shirt in stain remover and I'm still scared to see the outcome of wether it came out or not. Can we overcome this and still have fun with makeup? I wasn't sure at this point, but was going to try. 

Decided to try a new pink makeup look.

We kind of recovered, but not fully.

I knew it wasn't her fault and she didn't purposefully get makeup on her clothes. I feel terrible for making her feel so bad. I hate that I had such a hard time getting over my frustration over something as trivial as clothes. I hate that I might have ruined our fun activity together. I hate, I hate, I hate... 

I need to let her know that it was really my fault. 
And mommy feels so very bad.
And mommy has so many weaknesses to overcome.

And most importantly, 
I love her more than anything.

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